Give People Some Margin To Be Themselves
Even When They Annoy You.
I had the privilege recently of having two of my employees chide me for the fact that I am supposedly too nice. Their exact words were: “You let people walk all over you all the time.”
That is not the first time I've heard these words. I have probably heard those words over a thousand times from different people in different venues. Kevin Blaine was a friend who prematurely went to be with Jesus. He once commented, “The thing I like about your organization is the fact that you have created a world where big personalities can operate.”
Kevin was a highly successful real estate broker with the largest agency in the Central Valley of California. He, like us at Visalia First, employed a lot of people. I think we have created a culture at our church where people will show up on time, work hard, and have fun doing it. In that group of people, you will always have high achievers. Some of them may even be irritating at times. Kevin was alluding to that when he said, “You have created a world big enough for high achievers to operate in.”
I smiled and asked my two young employees, who chided me: “Who are my enemies?”
Neither of them could think of any enemies. And that's because I treat everybody the same. You can talk bad about me or even be lazy, and I will let you get away with it for a while, but we all know it's only a matter of time before you have to leave our organization. My motto is: “If you don’t grow, you've got to go.” However, I will give you the time to discover where you need to grow to become a valuable player on my team.
My antagonizers are daily preparing their own exits. Even Jesus allowed Judas Iscariot to stay on the team for the three and a half years of His public ministry. You may be tempted to secretly think, “Man, what a pushover Jesus was. Couldn’t He have dealt with the Judas issue on His team?”
Really? Maybe He knew some things we have yet to learn about running a successful team. Everybody is not the same, and people have different gifts and personalities they bring to the team's chemistry. Jesus knew that, and we should learn from His leadership example. A more current example may be Coach Phil Jackson, who was willing to deal with Dennis Rodman’s off-court shenanigans as long as Dennis showed up to help the Chicago Bulls win championships in 1996-1998. Some thought Jackson was weak as a leader, but the result showed that he was actually smart as he coached his team to become a basketball dynasty.
Many people would love to have the leadership chair that I sit in, but they have no idea what it means to sit in the lead position. And they never will until they actually sit in my chair. You don't have the luxury of firing everyone who doesn't meet your standards. A lot of negotiation takes place at this top leadership level. There are trade-offs to be made as part of the daily process. It takes a lot of individuals to make an organization run successfully with an annual budget of $10 million and a weekly listening audience of almost ten thousand people.
My friend Sam Rijfkogel said, “If you ever see a turtle on top of a fence post, you know he did not get there by himself.”
Many people have moved mountains of dirt to help me get us to where we are today. I have yet to meet a perfect person who always pleases me. I allow people a lot of margin because kind leaders allowed me a lot of margin in my developmental journey.
So, does it seem like I allow people to walk over me, occasionally? Every day and all the time. But like the turtle, I know when to stick my head out and when to pull myself back into my shell. I have learned that the only way to get on top is with the help of others.
To my two young employees who questioned my leadership style, I said inwardly, “Just hold on a little longer, my young friends. Be careful of making too many definitive statements about leading others while in your twenties. You have not lived long enough. If you get to live long enough, you will take back many things you said when you were young.”
Heavens, now that I think about it, I don't even believe half of what I said when I was in my twenties! (smile)
Here is an adjacent thought. Consider this scenario: Mama is a good cook, but she smokes. A younger leader would tell Mama to go. Personally, I would let Mama smoke so she wouldn't quit cooking my food. I like eating too much! Or, if Mama is the cook at your restaurant, you have a successful restaurant because of Mama’s excellent cooking. If Mama wants to take a smoke break, please let her! Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Give people the margin to be themselves as they serve the purpose of your organization!
Finally, I have had to fire over 100 people as CEO. In the wake of all those firings, I have had some people come back months later, asking for their jobs back. I have allowed many to return who missed our high-impact but easy-going culture. They still serve with me, and I am glad they have made some needed adjustments to rejoin our team.
It ultimately pays to give people the margin they need to be themselves, even when they annoy you just a little. (smile)
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