👩🏽🤝👨🏼Dealing with Difficult People
The Rhythms and Rules of Relationships
Living in the Central Valley of California, the number one producer in the nation for fruits and nuts, has taught me a lot about relationships. Just as farmers meticulously tend to their orchards, relationships require constant care and attention. Imagine driving through the valley and seeing a well-tended orchard, full of vibrant fruit, versus a neglected one, overrun with weeds and wild branches. Relationships are much the same. Neglect them, and they become an eyesore, filled with problems.
In relationships, you have to do the heavy lifting—till the ground, cut the branches, and put in the work. When we don't, we end up dealing with difficult people and challenging situations. Just like the process of getting fruit to market involves a lot of work, so does cultivating healthy relationships. You can't just expect good fruit without effort.
There's an important distinction between fruits and gifts in relationships. Often, we get attracted to the gifts someone has—money, status, popularity—but we should be looking for fruit. John the Baptist said, "Bring me fruit that proves that you have repented." It's all about fruit. True relationships should be based on the visible fruits of character and love for God, not superficial gifts.
A story that highlights this is the tale of David and Abigail from the Bible. David, anointed to be king, was in the desert with his men, protecting the farms from invaders. When David asked the wealthy but foolish Nabal for some provisions, Nabal insulted him and sent his men away empty-handed. Angered, David set out to destroy Nabal's household. But Nabal's wise wife, Abigail, intervened. She quickly gathered supplies and met David, appealing to the king in him, not the warrior. Her wisdom and humility calmed David's anger and prevented bloodshed.
Abigail brought out the best in David by appealing to his royal nature. In our relationships, we should strive to do the same—bring out the royalty in others, not the worst. Difficult people, like Nabal, are in our lives to teach us patience and wisdom. When dealing with such individuals, remember Abigail's approach: think through the situation, appeal to the best in others, and strive for peace.
As you reflect on your relationships this week, ask yourself: Are you bearing fruit? Are you choosing relationships based on fruit rather than gifts? Who in your life can you bring the king or queen out of? Evaluate if you're provoking people to do good or to bad, and strive to be the kind of person who elevates others.
Let's aim to be better in our relationships this week. Embrace the hard work, bear good fruit, and let God guide you in dealing with difficult people. I'm praying for you, believing that God will help you with the challenges you face.
Thank you for reading and sharing with your friends!
Excerpted from my book “Dealing With Difficult People.” [[Check out my Masterclass on surviving difficult relationships.]]